Ascending Visions

Frequencies had tiers

This was new to me

Falsehoods plagued me even when I didn’t see it

Like a subtle poison, I couldn’t taste the venom until it was too late

I bonded with my abusers

And didn’t know it happened

Because not all mistreatment was physical

Psychological chattel…

I thought you only needed chains to remain captive

What a gigantic way to stand corrected

I wanted to go beyond these invisible barriers

As I overlooked catacombs full of visions

Something happened to me and I didn’t know it all this time

Shame on me for believing that good conquers evil all the time

While I have a tall stature, I was still far too small

To make real change

As I was called a liar despite telling the truth

I was called an instigator despite being on the defense

Everything was my fault whether I did anything or not

I was ever the scapegoat for others while others were too childish to accept their wrongdoing

Was it a miracle that I didn’t hate humanity as a whole even with all the things I’ve learned and experienced?

I guess some hope lies within

Avoiding misanthropy

The ascension of frequencies appeared once more

Waves on waves show up to the cumulonimbus shores before crashing down to terra firma

Wash away my impurities…

Recent cooking projects

Here’s something completely different.

One thing I’ve been trying to do to curb whatever internalized anger and depression was to step my culinary game up.

The first picture is angel hair, but there’s spinach, flax seeds, chopped shallots, and white mushrooms with a light sprinkling of olive oil and a dash of Khoisan salt.

For dessert, I had yogurt with flax seeds and organic blueberries. This isn’t just any yogurt, but made with cashew milk. If you’re a vegan or lactose intolerant, then this treat is for you! I got the ingredients the last time I did some grocery shopping, but I wanted to buy individuals foods instead of just microwavable or frozen food. A lot of these things I used are good for you.

Hope things are well with you!

Calming down with some Angolan metalcore (Starring Before Crush)

I recently watched a documentary called Death Metal Angola which was really fascinating and I recommend it for those who like heavy music or at least African culture.

One of the bands featured in that doc is Before Crush (pardon the grammatical aspect of their name). They’re from Benguela, Angola and play metalcore music. While I’m not a fan of that type of music, they do a good job and they’re lyrics have more substance than your typical whiny suburban fake tough-guy scenecore band. They have lyrics about African culture, positive messages, and historical elements involving the Angolan Civil War that lasted from the 70s until the early 00s.

I know the irony of relaxing to this kind of music, but I wanted a break from some of the self-loathing posts I’ve made recently while trying to balance between life, work, and NaNoWriMo.

Some various thoughts I’ve been having recently

It has been a crazy busy few weeks. There’s been work and me participating in NaNoWriMo. Of course…there’s been everything else going on in the world especially in America.

Relax, I won’t be talking about anything partisan let alone anything political in this post. I can hear the collective sigh of relief no matter if one is to the left, right, center, independent, or apolitical. With that said, I still have been thinking about serious things nonetheless.

In addition to work and writing another book, I have been having thoughts of so many things going on in my life.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been bullied in my life and at times it was quite severe. In hindsight, some of it was very low-key that psychologically affected me. When I would fight back, I would be treated like the bad guy even though I wasn’t being physical against anyone or insulting them. It made me wonder how docile I was while abusive people get away with everything even when I would call them out on their crap. It’s no wonder I can’t stand those who hurt others with impunity as well as never owning up to their misdeeds. I’ve had to own up to my mistakes and sins, so why couldn’t they? It’s like I’ve been getting bad advice for years from people who should know better. Part of me wondered if I should’ve improved in snappy comebacks or insulting people because I’ve always struggled in that regard. It’s sick how I felt like I wasn’t “allowed” to stand up for myself.

There are times where I wonder if it was worth having certain kinds of dreams and goals. I’m sure I mentioned this in a post earlier this year about random goals I used to have like owning a record label, voice acting, or being a touring musician, etc. I guess with COVID, in a weird way, I’m relieved that i didn’t go forward with those pipe dreams. My goals have changed like getting more into writing as well as videography. I have those skills and it allows me to put them to use. There are other ideas for goals that could be more constructive, but I wondered how possible they would be.

The last movie I saw was a documentary about the Congolese Genocide and Leopold II. It was so heartbreaking and it was one of those historical aspects I wish I learned when I was a lot younger regardless of my DNA results. I learned more things and I certainly was uncomfortable with the brutality. It angers me how Leopold never got punished for being responsible for several millions of people dying under his colonizing rule. It was a powerful watch and I think more people should learn about this atrocity.

Those were various thoughts I had recently. I just had to talk about it instead of just a poem or opinions on a news story. Sorry it wasn’t fun. I hope you understand.

David Menna is a demon

Just because I haven’t been posting as often this time doesn’t mean I don’t care about serious issues. I found out about this video from Lisa Cabrera and this story should be more known. You have this devil named David Menna who faked being a doctor and wilderness expect. That is actually the least offensive thing about him. You see, Menna is a serial child molester who constantly groomed and abused them over and over. To make matters worse, he was never officially registered as a sex registered despite being caught and every time, he would expunge any previous records for new jobs. Think about it, every time he gets hired and sexually assaults minors, each time is supposedly the “first time” any charges of that nature are brought up.

This sickens me. How is it that these heinous demons can still walk around molesting several children yet people like Breonna Taylor or Philando Castile are dead? David Menna needs some hard time for his crimes. The people who refused to vet him in every job he had need to be fired as well. You know if David Menna was Black, he would’ve been dead or at the very least getting decades of prison time for just one count of molestation. There are people who would never commit any sex crimes much less any crimes who’ve been punished at their jobs for MUCH less! I’m sick of these double standards as these people get away with everything.

I Wish I Was Never A Defeatist (At Least I’m Honest About That Flaw)

There are times where I wish I took a psychology course

To realize how much my psyche has been abused in ways I never knew how or why from subtle forms

The hobbies I like(d) became objects of ridicule

Social awkwardness manifested in itself

My heritage also made me something to hate regardless of my character

Apologies were spoken ad nauseum for who I was

As if my mind wasn’t flawed enough

So many things forced me to be an autodidact

“Why even bother?” I would say or think

“I know I’m going to lose anyway.”

Stop it, brain.

“It’s always the biggest jerks who get what they want. You need to be cruel to be on top even though you’ll never get away with it.”

That didn’t come from my mind this time. It was bad advice. Get thee behind me…

“Try reprogramming yourself. They think you’re a stupid robot anyway. You’re just a useless piece of –“

SHUT UP!

The violation of my self-esteem affected me way more than I thought. Shame how any affirmative thing I say about myself can be construed as an ego.

All I do was lose, lose, lose, no matter what as I try to squeak out a semblance of a victory.

Ospreyshire’s Realm turns 4! #Blogiversary

Happy blogiversary to me!

I have been dealing with a lot of stuff from work as well as trying deal with negative emotions going on, so this was a good thing that put a smile on my face. I forgot I started this blog this time 4 years ago right before I released my first Ospreyshire EP back then. Of course, everything snowballed into making more blogs with different subjects. I met some fantastic bloggers along the way off all interests, ethnic groups, creeds, and walks of life which has been great. I’ve had powerful conversations, had fun posting comments, providing content on my blogs, and others things. Sure, I’ve had my ups and downs these past 4 years (truth be told, I’m still dealing with some of my own issues), but seeing some constant support did give me some hope. Some of you were friends to me when I didn’t talk to anyone.

Thank you for being a part of this creative journey with blogging, music, poetry, opinions, art, and other things.

Morose Permeation

All it took was a revealed cover-up and one Tartaros of a sellout

The Bluegrass State never saw such a miscarriage

The ire magnified across the country

Was $12 million really enough for them in dealing with Breonna Taylor’s death?

Tell me if Justine Damond’s family got the same treatment

The insanity in this country wouldn’t stop there

There wasn’t a debate, but a yelling match between the two

Even pro wrestling promos had more sense and civility than that gaffe

Dog whistles and lack of policy questions were all it was about

Next thing, I know one was tested positive

But I thought it would just go away or possibly a hoax, right? (sarcasm)

These events indirectly added to the frustration

All I could see was a hopeless future

The lack of responsibility and equality was enough to darken my soul

My mind could only ruminate and catastrophize

I really am pathetic, aren’t I?

No matter how productive I am, I only saw bleak things

A Poetic Post About the State of the Blog At the Moment

My life has certainly been productive for better or worse

Unfortunately, life can get incredibly busy for me at two different salt mines

While this isn’t running away, my house needs to be in order

Don’t expect this avant-garde osprey to fly away

Just expect one day instead of three

Sorry, everyone

I will still put effort in whatever I do

My blog means a lot and I have things planned here as well as my other pages

Just be assured that when there will be posts, they will (hopefully) be worth your time