It’s been 4 weeks since I posted anything on this blog.
November has been an insanely busy month with life’s ups and downs. There’s work, my mental health taking a toll at times, and I didn’t do anything creative. I’ve been internalizing a ton of stress, depression, and anger about different things. More lies have been exposed in my life and I’m still adjusting to different realities whether they involve me or not. There are so many hypocrites and I want to do my best to combat these double standards. I should’ve been stronger. I should’ve been more cognizant. I should’ve been better at finding whatever confidence I have (or what’s left of it) when others don’t get undermined like I have been. How I will progress with my creative works remains to be seen.
I will be erratic in posting until I can get certain things in order.
P. S. Thank God those devils got convicted for killing Ahmaud Arbery. It’s a shame that they would’ve gotten away with it had those atrocities not have been filmed.
Just so you know, I won’t be posting too much on this blog for this month. Things have been busy for me, but they will get busier this month. I won’t post at my scheduled times unless it’s about something important, I feel strongly about, or maybe if I get a chance to do something creative at some point, but we’ll see. Thank you for supporting this blog though.
This has been a very busy week for me with so many ups and downs. My birthday didn’t feel like one despite some congrats from different people. I am thankful I can at least decompress a bit today and just chill after multiple days travailing for half a day multiple days in a row.
I’m still recovering from some depression and some mental health issues, but it was good seeing that the Ospreyshire blog is now half a decade old now. I can’t believe I’ve made it this far even if I diverged from the original intent of this blog. Thank you to everyone who supports me. It’s been rough, but I’m glad I was able to persevere at this point. I do need to improve with the Ospreyshire project and not deal with so many setbacks.
A lot of stress has been building up over the past couple of weeks. I’ve been working a lot, but I’ve had little time to decompress. I had feelings of depression and anxiety a ton recently. While it was good seeing some encouraging messages from people for situations irrelevant to my blog for different reasons, I still feel like I’m just a failure. My content on here hasn’t been up to par, I am struggling with material on here, and I think a ton of my projects are just going to be doomed to fail. Sometimes I wonder why I even both with this kind of stuff on here. I’ve also been angry as I realize how much more I’ve been manipulated and gaslighted. Being silenced all this time has enraged me and I realized that not everything was my fault or I wasn’t wrong all the time. It sickens me how people want to cling onto toxic positivity and ignore reality. It was like I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion or to speak truth to others. I wondered if others got or still get uncomfortable when I mention some of these things that aren’t popular or positive. Someone like me doesn’t have the privilege for that kind of convenience. That’s not even getting into the deluge of hypocrisy I’m seeing both offline and online from various people or some random things I managed to catch on TV. It is beyond frustrating seeing people get away with crap that is wrong as well as something I would NEVER get a free pass for if I was a jerk or straight up heinous. I don’t want to pretend that everything is alright because I’m struggling with my mental health. I don’t know how consistent I will be with posting things on this blog. Don’t get it twisted. I’m not asking for sympathy or fishing for compliments. I just had to get some of these emotions out of my chest. God, I feel like damaged goods.
I have to vent, but I’ll do it in a brief fashion.
1. I feel like I’ve been realizing how much more I’ve been gaslighted in my past and not doing my best to show I’m right in certain arguments.
2. I think I have nothing but failures.
3. My efforts seem to be worthless yet people who don’t even try are more successful than me.
4. People not taking responsibility for their words or actions when they’re in the wrong. It gets even worse when they shift the blame on others or me for their wrongdoings or reactions.
5. Others ignoring atrocities and other horrific acts if it doesn’t fit their realities.
6. People pretending to be the victim.
7. Others having a hissy fit towards me or about me even though I’m not insulting them, attacking them, harassing them, or talking about them. That’s not my style since I’ve never been good at insulting others. It says a lot more about them than it does with me when they react that way and I wish I learned about that part of psychology a lot earlier in my life.
8. Others gossiping and slandering me behind my back whether literally or figuratively.
9. People saying that I’m whining or overreacting when I talk about various subjects whether milquetoast or very severe. Interestingly enough, those same people can’t say I’m lying. Also, it reveals a lot about their character when they overreact and unintentionally proving me right about a few things depending on the topic.