Things I Learned from Disney Movies (or How Jaded I’ve Become with Reality and Adulthood)

WARNING: The following poem is scathing in it’s honesty and has elements of caustic sarcasm in it. I’m normally a literal person, but the rare times when I get sarcastic, I’m merciless with it. Don’t expect me to hold back and not just because I’m not a fan of this company.

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The Happiest Place on Earth was all a lie in hindsight.
I certainly wanted to be happy and joyful, yet I was never meant to have that kind of positivity. I could die not visiting those castles in Orlando and Anaheim, and I’d be okay with this (Sure, I’ve been to Orlando, but I never went to THAT place).

There were things I learned, but I never realized some of these things until I was in my teens or even as an adult.

I learned that beauty always equals goodness because ugly people are worthless at best or evil at worst.

I learned that happy endings come to those who don’t work hard or work smart. Well, only for certain people, that is.

I learned that originality is a sin, so it’s better to adapt, buy the rights to something or outright plagiarize someone else’s work.

I learned that princes don’t look like me.

I learned that true love is the only things that matters.

I learned that if you’re female, then you better be a size 2 at worst. Being very emaciated or obese is tantamount to being evil for those lacking a Y chromosome.

I learned that wishing is the best way to get what you want. Well, only for certain people.

I learned that fantasy is more important than reality.

I learned that you can sing your cares away because nothing EVER bad happens in musicals (Bjork reference!).

I learned that Africa is more appealing to the animators when there are no humans who look like they are from the continent. It’s a lascivious fantasy for both furries and open racists. Yeah, I said it!

I learned that stories should be recycled for that cash flow.

I learned that poverty and homelessness aren’t really THAT bad especially if you’re a stray animal.

I learned that cultural appropriation and racial degradation is the name of the game although the Polynesian community managed to be taken respectfully though.

I learned that you can’t be a hero unless you have at least one dead parent. I guess broken home lives are better for them?

I learned that life isn’t like the movies and I wished more people would notice this. Not everyone will have the same experience and some are targets of ridicule. I pity those edified by a mouse.