Does me not being a jerk make me docile?

Let me get this straight. I’m not patting myself on the back just because insulting and/or mistreating others isn’t my go-to action to others.

What I’m concerned with is that this side of me could make me come off as docile or passive. This may sound strange because I’ve certainly made some strong opinions here, my other blogs, and in some comments, but I do my best to be respectful even when I disagree with others. With that being said, I feel like I need to be tougher on some people in real life.

After being bullied for a good portion of my life, getting demonized for things I didn’t do, or being made fun of for the things I like (or don’t like…such as not being a Disney fan), I feel that I need to sharpen my wit and call several people out on their behavior. What also sucks is that so many jerks I know are in better places and making more money than me. Does this mean I have to be rude to others to get what I want? I don’t know because it’s hard for me to be rude on purpose to people. It’s very frustrating because I feel like I need to be defensive at all costs. After being lied to for so long about several things, it can be very hard to trust others. I seriously envy those who re natural optimists, but I have no sympathy for those who deny the grim aspects of reality.

Maybe I should be more open to bashing certain things I don’t like for starters? Maybe I should make people feel more uncomfortable when it comes to sensitive issues I have authority to speak on?

[sigh] I really wish I didn’t have all this internalized anger inside or being perceived as docile just because I’m not good with witty comebacks.

10 thoughts on “Does me not being a jerk make me docile?

  1. “DOES ME NOT BEING A JERK MAKE ME DOCILE?”

    Oh! Oh! I know the answer to this one!

    No.

    “With that being said, I feel like I need to be tougher on some people in real life.”

    Why?

    Will that help you? Or help them? If you engage them on their turf, will you likely be successful?

    “What also sucks is that so many jerks I know are in better places and making more money than me. ”

    Yes, but they are still themselves. Seems like they got the short end of that stick.

    ” I don’t know because it’s hard for me to be rude on purpose to people.”

    It’s hard to be more evolved than others, at least some of the time. Being rude, at least in my experience, doesn’t pay off. No in terms of what’s valuable to you.

    “After being lied to for so long about several things, it can be very hard to trust others.”

    I’d argue this is an intelligent response to stimuli. However, not trusting doesn’t drive a demand to be rude. The disingenuous actions of others are their problem; I’d hate to see you internalize their problem as an imperative for you to be someone other than who you are.

    “Maybe I should be more open to bashing certain things I don’t like for starters? ”

    Would that help you — or them — achieve their goals? I don’t know…

    “Maybe I should make people feel more uncomfortable when it comes to sensitive issues I have authority to speak on?”

    Would that help advance your goals? I’m thinking maybe not. Because the goal is not to make them pay for their stupid, but to understand things better.

    Interestingly, two concepts I’ve recently been exposed to help. One is Outward Mindset. Another is Servant Leadership. You probably won’t hear much about them in the most “successful” for profit companies, but both seem to be making inroads in non-profits.

    Why do I bring them up? They’re an alternative to being passive (which you aren’t) and its false opposite, rude/cruel/”decisive.”

    You’re not alone in seeing that the loudest and stupidest of our race seems to make out big, at least in the short term. But you instinctively recoil from that kind of behavior, which means you’re a civilized human.

    Sorry, but it’s true.

    So I’d suggest you focus on tools that will let you advance your perspective in a way that uplifts and encourages others. Even the people you disagree with.

    Collaborative, communal progress is the anti-thesis to cruelty and rudeness. As you’ve suggested in your post, not being rude does not mean you’re docile.

    That’s my take, anyway.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Terrance, thank you for your comment. I was in a bit of a bad place today as I’ve been thinking about my internalized anger and how I should’ve been better as a person. It would be a shame if I’m perceived as weak and I felt like I’ve been confused in different aspects of my life and never realized them until over the past few years.

      I just thought that if I were more blunt and aggressive, then I would get respect if there are people who are successful despite being morally dubious people. To be honest, I was never some “tough guy” or super macho in looks or attitude, so I figured I was a target in hindsight. Part of me wanted to know as much as I can about something, so I can mentally destroy people if they disrespected me or if they were wrong about something. I guess I care(d) too much about winning arguments should they happen.

      Bashing what people like? I certainly don’t try to do that with my reviews even with my negative critiques. Sure, I might make jokes here and there, but I don’t believe I’ve bashed entire fandoms. I was tempted multiple times since I was bullied for what I liked. It was like I would get symbolic revenge on others if I did so. You can probably guess which fandoms I would be tempted to excoriate, but I never went that far even though I’ve been vocal on some cases.

      As you know, I’m outspoken about certain issues that are dear to my heart on here, my fiction, and in some cases my own reviews if the situation calls for it. Things such as racism, positive representation in media, colonization, plagiarism, some political issues (from a nonpartisan context), and independent media are issues I speak about frequently. It’s a surprise people haven’t been turned off by me doing so, or at least no one told me so on my blogs.

      I wasn’t familiar with those forms of leadership actually. Thank you for informing me.

      I certainly want to collaborate and I do my best to see the humanity in others even when I’ve been treated like a subhuman for different reasons at points in my life (mainly when it comes to my ethnic heritage and some psychological issues and I’ll leave the latter at that [relax, I’m sane though]). There have been times where I’ve disagreed with bloggers I follow and I had a text block conversation with a certain aniblogger who shall remain nameless a week or so ago. We surprisingly agreed on some things even though we were in the opposite ends of the spectrum of what we disagreed on. I do hope I was able to inform and encourage others even when I mention my disagreements.

      Once again, thank you. If you didn’t comment on all of those things, I would’ve delved deeper in negative thoughts and my internalized anger.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. IRL example: I became a police officer because I was dragged out of my own apartment and beaten unconscious by two police officers who were at the wrong address (correct building, wrong side). I offered to walk them to the address they wanted, but that just angered them more. Then they even brought race into the situation because they thought I was the SAME race as they were (talk about surreal!).

    Anyway, I now stand where they stood, but make damn sure I act differently–one need not always be hostile or aggressive in order to be firm (and righteous).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my goodness. I’m really sorry to hear that you were assaulted by those cops. I hope they got punished for what they did to you. Sorry to bring race into this, but that similar situation lead to black people being killed unjustly and I’m not just talking about Botham Jean.

      That’s good for acting differently compared to those bullies with badges who roughed you up then. I have heard that it’s the case, but I feel like no one has told me what the right level is especially when people have hissy fits and never get in trouble.

      Liked by 1 person

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