I get tired of being kind sometimes.

We now interrupt my typical Ospreyshire Origins posts involving the Dear Innovare…album for something different.

Before I get into this impromptu post, I want to say that I appreciate those who have recently followed my blog and who have been liking and/or commenting on my posts. I really appreciate it. I need to do something special after having over 300 followers on this blog. We’ll see.

Getting that out of the way, I’ve been getting frustrated at the moment. I will say that nothing drastic or dramatic has happened to me, so you all can calm down a bit. When I’m not working, editing my next books, reading other books, or reviewing movies or anime, I’ve been internalizing a lot of anger and frustration. It’s a bad habit of mine since I felt like I’ve never been “allowed” to express it for most of my life. How ironic. I’ve seen certain individuals have hissy fits, cluster F-bombs, and have shouting matches, yet nothing bad happens to them.

Normally, I do my best to be kind offline and online. Kindness is a virtue which I’m sure we can all agree on. However, I wish people wouldn’t mistake it for weakness. Unfortunately, I’ve been having a need to drop hard truths to others even though I’ve been wont to do that on here and other blogs. Other issues and having some realization about hard truths in life has caused me to be irate on the inside. I wish I could go back in time to change every mistake and even to counter against those who disrespected me. Shame how time machines don’t exist. There have been times where I’ve been proven right in hindsight about how people can do criminal behavior and are treated better than me or have sympathizers as I’ve done far less and people yell at me or treat me like garbage in the past.

I thought to myself. What if I got to be tougher and more abrasive against others if/when they deserve it?

I was never the bully since I was bullied a lot in my life. There have been times recently where I’ve given people the silent treatment if I don’t like them even if it is immature. I’ve also been researching ways to win arguments, so I can verbally bash others for their ignorance. There have even been moments of me shaming some bloggers just for liking a certain movie that won’t be mentioned here. I’ve been shamed for liking things, so I felt like I deserved to do the same to others. I was tired of being kind to those who didn’t deserve it.

Maybe this is some kind of evolution or maybe something is wrong with me that I’ve gotten to this point. Relax, I won’t be trolling others or bullying people. I’m not good enough at insults to do that. What I want to do is to tell truth and to be more honest with my thoughts with others.

It always seems like those who disrespect me always get what they want. [sigh] I wish I didn’t have to feel this way. I can’t lie to anyone on here or my other blogs.

22 thoughts on “I get tired of being kind sometimes.

  1. This makes you completely normal. In fact, you’re among the precious ones that choose to be better in a world filled with selfish and uncaring douchebags. We all have times when we feel oppressed or frustrated, and its healthier to act out than to bottle this up.

    Kindness is a courtesy, but it’s also a choice, so there’s no need to be kind to people that wouldn’t appreciate it or would only take advantage of it.

    Life isn’t always fair, and sometimes these bullies seem to get away with horrible things. It’s a shitty feeling, but know that this definitely isn’t true. If there’s one justice, just know that they’re likely suffering on the inside (unless they’re psychopaths, in which case they’ll still feel abnormal and isolated).

    Those people tend to have more internal strife than we’re probably aware of. Loneliness, a hostile upbringing, insecurities, constant dissatisfaction. They’re plagued by these things, and for as long as they remain dbags, they’ll continue to isolate themselves and execerbate their problems.

    So yeah, no bully ever actually gets away with things completely unscathed. They’re being punished in unseen ways. Let these mean people constantly push people away, while the kind ones be the ones that get surrounded by love.

    That being said, no one should ever let anyone cross the line. If you feel unjustly antagonised, then just fight back however you can. Be it a cold shoulder, an argument or a solid fist to the face, just don’t let it all bottle up for too long.

    Sorry for the long comment, but I hope you’re doing alright! Yeah, f*ck those assholes.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you, Tiger. I know it was a long comment, but I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me. I have a bad habit of bottling up a ton of emotions. It’s even to the point where I could look like I’m happy or neutral, but I’m fuming on the inside.

      Very true. It’s one thing when others do something on accident or temporarily get out of line, but when people do bad things consistently around me, that’s where I draw the line.

      That is all too true. I’ve been underestimated, derogated, and racially discriminated before, so I know this all too well among other things. I do wonder if some of them suffer on the inside, but I also suspect some total psychopaths.

      Gotcha. It’s tough because I don’t see that in them assuming if those internal strife moments are there.

      I really want that to be the case. I do wonder if there’s some kind of “karma” to do something against them.

      Exactly. I do get chastised if I go too far even if I raise my voice against those who disrespect me. Maybe it’s a bad habit of being treated like the bad guy for daring to defend myself verbally when others who do the same thing don’t get treated that way. It’s so frustrating. I don’t want to bottle up so many things. Not going to lie, I even have ancient grudges against certain people even if they’re far away from me.

      No problem. Thanks, Tiger.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello ospreyshire. The world can be a miserable place sometimes with those who are clueless about how they treat others seeming to get a head. But they are suffering insecurities of their own. The truly strong have no need to lash out at the ones pretending to be strong, they can smile and laugh about it. The smartest man I ever knew was a scientist who could do math as fast or faster in his head than we could with calculators. But he was slow of speech, taking a frustrating amount of time to finish a sentence. A lot of people simply cut him off. He never got angry, never reacted. One day in anger over the way someone had treated him I blew up. What he told me gave me something to think about all my life. He said it didn’t bother him because he knew what he was going to say, but the person who had cut him off never would. He figured it was their loss. They might have learned something valuable but wouldn’t ever know what they missed. You are a good person, you don’t need to emulate those who are not as good as you. Best wishes. Hugs

    Liked by 5 people

  3. If I’m gonna vent for a little bit, there are (a lot) of times when I want to straight up ignore people or lash out in their face for irrational reasons. I’ve been told that’s to blame on my pent-up anger and frustration I’ve gathered over the years. It’s weird. Thanks to negative interactions I’ve experienced, I strive to be a kind person so no one else has to go through that or more but at the same time, the irrationally vengeful side of me wants to throw a hissy fit at everyone who blinks. It’s a really stupid and terrible side of me. I like the internet because I can control my emotions much easier which is also why I enjoy blogging. It’s a great outlet. Albeit, like you, I’ve been finding my gross behavior to seep into the screen thus, resulting in me dropping hard truths on people and potential passive-agressive remarks. However, I’m not one to insult people left and right. I suck at insulting people even though I think over countless of insults I could’ve used in the past and future on my spare time… I’m at my worst when I’m manipulating or grossly twisting the blame on an opposite party. I’m exhausting.

    That was a long rant. My apologies. Thank you for posting this and getting your feelings out there. After reading this, maybe I too can be more truthful with myself.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sorry to hear about that, and I’ve felt the same. I really do my best to be kind to others, but at the same time, I’ve struggled with internalized anger. Trust me, I’ve been tempted to get into a huge fit against other people, but I had to restrain myself. I agree with the internet and especially with blogging. Social media was too negative for me and at least on WordPress, people are more civil more or less. It’s also helped me to become more honest about my feelings, opinions, or even when it comes to truths. Talking about lesser-known news stories helped. Talking about harsh topics like racism helped and not just on principle for me. Even making reviews of Kimba the White Lion and Hate Crimes In the Heartland on Iridium Eye were acts of courage for me because I thought I was going to get death threats albeit for different reasons compared to that old-school anime and that documentary respectively. I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with making sharp insults. I thought I was the only one (pardon for sounding like I suffer from solipsism).

      It’s okay, Inskidee. I’m glad we were able to talk. Thank you so much.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You’re normal, and there’s nothing you or anyone can do to change people who mistake kindness for weakness. I can relate, especially when it comes to online associates. Through the years, they would say that I’ve lost “friends” but they were simply people trying to exploit me in some fashion which I disagreed with and would not allow or do. IMO, the stress isn’t worth continuing to correspond or talk to them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Xena. I have to realize that. Sorry to hear about you being exploited by fake friends. I have dealt with that offline in face-to-face situations. That’s good to know. It’s like that Neely Fuller Jr. quote “No contact, no conflict.”


  5. Who do you want to be?

    Be that person.

    How others treat you is a secondary concern.

    “I’ve also been researching ways to win arguments, so I can verbally bash others for their ignorance.”

    Is that really what you want to do? I used to delight in going into usenet groups and laying waste. My logic was flawless; my rhetoric brutal. But my humanity?

    I can’t remember any of those individual arguments now. But I remember what they made me become. I lost that battle even as I thought I was winning it. It took decades to undo the damage.

    I look at social media today, and I see the same patterns repeating themselves.

    “It always seems like those who disrespect me always get what they want.”

    Tiger’s right. Those kind of people have issues they keep hidden. At the very least, at the end of the argument, they remain themselves. That’s not an enviable position!

    If you still feel like you want to really “get them,” might I suggest learning psychology and techniques like Outward Mindset (which isn’t really what it sounds like — it’s the first useful interaction/management training I’ve ever had) so you can understand their pain — and help them heal?

    That’s the most devastating attack I can imagine! At least from where I am now!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good advice in so little words.

      You actually felt that way when you destroyed people with arguments? I never realized that could happen. Seriously. I lost arguments before and I thought it would feel amazing making others feel bad if I know I’m right about something. Not going to lie, I recently showed some “receipts” of sorts to another blogger who was in denial about THAT plagiarism case and they couldn’t find a response to counteract me. I’m sorry, but this feels so foreign to me about feeling bad despite winning arguments. I can definitely see why that’s going on with social media. It’s no wonder I prefer WordPress than FB, Twitter, etc.

      I see. I don’t know what those people have issues about. Part of me has been morbidly curious about what their issues are, so I can exploit these weaknesses as revenge. It’s a shame that I’ve never been good at picking up on some of those things. It’s hard for me to be so laser focused on people’s weaknesses unless it’s glaringly obvious to me and even then, I rarely bring it up.

      Outward Mindset? That’s good to know.

      Thank you. I do feel better compared to this particular post. I appreciate your concerns.


  6. What works for me may not work for you.

    I’ve been at it a lot longer than you. So…

    Let it go. Do not hold onto that anger. Holding onto anger is like holding onto burning coals with intent to throw them at an enemy. You get burned and your enemy really doesn’t care.

    It is not a matter of being kind. Kindness flows naturally. It is not something you do to be virtuous.

    Anger can be supressed. Doing so creates a time bomb. Anger can be expressed. It needs to be expressed in a controlled fashion or you are seen as just another bomb.

    Or you can simply let it go. Unless there is clear and immediate way to resolve the issue, anger isn’t a productive feeling. It sits in your soul and burns. I know people who are still resentful of childhood wrongs on their deathbeds 70 years later. Don’t be that person, not even for a day.

    Just let it go. That which we can’t do anything about is nothing to burn our mental circuits out over.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I see and thanks for commenting.

      Letting go is incredibly hard for me because I always remember the bad things done to me more than I do the good.

      It is easier for me to be kind than to be a jerk. For me, I have to actually try when it comes to insulting, so I don’t do it.

      My anger has certainly been suppressed for over a decade. What frustrates me is that I see people throw temper tantrums and nothing bad happens to them. I just raise my voice and I’m the devil in their eyes!

      I wish I could contact everyone who ever hurt me, verbally thrash them, and mention all the bad things they’ve done in hope that I can shame them. Then again, some people don’t take responsibility for their actions. You’ve known people who’ve held onto grudges for that long? How did they act before going to the grave, if I may ask?

      I wish it was that easy for me since it’s hard for me to forget and getting harder for me to forgive them.

      It’s great how you’re trying to help though.


      • The older my mother-in-law got, the angrier and more bitter she became. Bad things happened to her as a child. Then Her grandfather got cheated out of a lot of money, leaving her poor. She married late because she had no suitors. When she finally did, the marriage was rough. She’d married a drill sergeant with anger issues of his own. Then he had a heart attack and she had to be the breadwinner, leaving her pissed and exhaustedr. After that and some therapy, hubby was finally able to let go of his anger. That angered her even more because she couldn’t let go and why should that SOB have fun while she was miserable because of all the unfairness of life.

        She died at 100, still bitter. Hanging onto all the slights she’d suffered over the years never benefitted her in the slightest.

        Liked by 1 person

      • My goodness, I’m really sorry to hear about all of that. I hope my life doesn’t end up like that. I don’t want that to be my future as I get older. Thank you for telling me this story.

        Maybe the band Oasis had a point with the song “Don’t Look Back In Anger”.


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