10 Lies I Sadly Believed At One Point In My Life (In No Particular Order)

10. People like me couldn’t make it to a university much less graduate on time.

9. If you work hard, you’ll automatically be successful.

8. The independent music scene doesn’t have any cliques, drama or backstabbers like in the mainstream.

7. The Lion King is a fully original movie that would never plagiarize something like anime or music choices.

6. People who are huge bullies and jerks can always be redeemed.

5. Anger is a sin.

4. Christopher Columbus discovered America and he was very respectful to the Indigenous population then.

3. Going to a Christian school would make me less of a bullying target.

2. People who do heroic things will be praised at all times and evil will always lose.

1. Saying affirming things is somehow bragging when I do it even if I don’t say I’m better than anyone, but when others legitimately boast about themselves, they somehow have “earned it”.

Eira Video

I thought I would try something new and different when it came to my videography skills. After watching some examples of visual poems and “slow cinema” (Abbas Kiarostami being a recent re-discovery), I thought I would try to make an abstract visual piece with all this snow that’s hit multiple parts of the Midwest. There were already a couple of blizzards and I used footage from this month and January while mixing it up with different transitions and effects. It certainly doesn’t hurt to expand my horizons with my media production skills.

Fun fact: The title is the Welsh word for “snow”.

Internalizing Issues (A Rant)

It’s been a while since I did a personal rant, but I’ve bottled up a lot of emotions recently.

As if this past year wasn’t stressful enough for everyone, I have just had enough of internalizing everything. One recurring thought I’ve had was thinking that I’m somehow always wrong and that so many bad things have happened to me. Have there been bad things that happened in my life? Yes. However, sometimes I feel like I’m the only person it ever happens to which adds to bouts of solipsism from time to time. Look, I don’t label myself as some perfect person or some beacon of morality. I’d be a filthy liar if I said that. I have low self-esteem, can be socially awkward at times, passive, can struggle with hidden meaning in people’s words, been bullied to the point of silence, thinking only bad things happen to me, and I don’t know how to be quick-witted. Whenever I had to tell on someone when I was younger, most of the time, no one would do anything about it. If I did something wrong or tried to defend myself (I’m not talking about getting physical), then I was somehow in the wrong.

It’s been rough with bottling up depressing thoughts, anger, and other negative emotions even if I’m smiling on the outside. Am I the only person this happens to? I certainly have enough self-control to not do something heinous with these emotions, so that’s a plus. What does anger me is when so many people get away with so many things. That doesn’t surprise some of you who’ve followed this blog for a while. I’ve dealt with therapists who’ve insulted me in the past which certainly burned. This feeling of being disrespected and people getting away with it even if I speak up was like being psychologically violated. It really didn’t help when I discovered long after the fact how I was being devalued in subtle ways (dog whistles, low-key insults, etc.). I would even do things out of spite to make people leave me alone like “hating” things I admitted to liking or trying to use people’s insults against them in obscure ways. Yeah, it didn’t work. That’s probably no wonder why I’ve been tempted to shame some bloggers even for something as simple as a thought on a movie, for example. I didn’t see anyone else suffer in that way, so I thought they had healthy stable lives. There have been far worse things that have happened to me in real life, but I saw so many things as negative. Glass half empty? That describes how I saw the world even during my childhood. It just sucks having to harbor so many of these bad flashbacks in my brain even when I try to forget or ignore them.

Blogging and having creative endeavors have been cathartic whether it’s poetry, writing reviews, making videos, or other things. Shame how I struggle with thinking I’m a worthless person from time to time, but at least it kept me busy when I wasn’t at work or studying for example.

Personally, it’s a miracle that anyone would be interested in what I type about or present. I wish I didn’t have to pretend everything is fine online and especially offline. Sorry for rambling. I had to get these things off my chest.

Was My Worth Tied Into Being a Critic?

They say every one is a critic

I certainly wouldn’t deny it

My silvery-platinum eyes were spectacles for others

These opinions mattered more in multiple contexts

While proud of these observations

My pride in my own originality faded harder than vintage denim

So many fires, so many embers

Only a few would become pyrotechnics, though I wouldn’t want them to be altars

Other creative works would be on display

There was a joy in bringing light to the obscure from all around the world

No, Japan wasn’t my only destination even though a section of this part of the net appreciated those shiny pennies from the Rising Sun

While I’m versatile, I didn’t want to be confined

Much less ashamed of having fandoms at all

I prayed I wasn’t a failure in all my endeavors

As I’ve thought for most of my life

Some Candombe music I’ve discovered: Jhonny Neves and Kimba

So, I did a poem based on candombe music after being exposed to the documentary Tango Negro the other day, so I naturally decided to check out the music. There were some great examples that I discovered so far.

The first example is from Uruguayan percussionist Jhonny Neves. He has done solo works as well as collaborating with other musicians like the Candombe Trio or having various sidemen drummers with him in different jam sessions. I’ve had some of his videos as background music for studying or getting some work done on the computer.

Anyone who knows about my knowledge in anime should know why the 2nd example got my attention. You’re welcome, anibloggers! They’re a candombe collective that has been known to feature several drummers at once. Yes, there is a band that may or may not be named after a certain white lion that Disney ripped off a ton of stuff from. Hahahaha! But for real, they make great music.

All videos are property of their respective owners.

Did I seriously just surpass 500 posts as of today?

I looked at some of my stats this morning and saw that I made 500 posts on this blog. Wow, I didn’t realize I had that much content on year since I started this thing in late 2016! Hooray, me…I guess.

There were things I’ve been thinking about when it comes to my content. I’ve been doing my best to put more of my original works like poetry on here. It would also be good to explore how the Ospreyshire project can expand especially in this Spotify-heavy world. I do have some ideas, but it’s going to take some time and effort. Of course, recent events happening has really got me angry with the blatant double standards going on, and I’m just going to leave it there. I want to make sure I’m more consistent in the content I have for this blog. There will be times when I will promote other artists and bloggers, but I want to fine-tune my artistic crafts on here.

Thanks for supporting me, everyone.

Invisibility Dissipates With the Trio of Drums

Piano, repique, chico…

The sizes of the three drums brought such color

When one was lost in cultural amnesia

Credit slowly became due long after Barcelona’s crown was rejected

The connection to the lost was retrieved

By hand and by clave

The memories flooded and the shame evaporated

After centuries of propaganda

Robust sounds burst by trios or infantries or cuerdas

Encore, maestros!

Insidious Emulation Mode (From the Perspective of a Clone)

[Note: Let’s see how many references my readers will get in this satirical poem.]

Adoration was entitled to the emulators

As I deserved the accolades for being best

Who wants to be first, anyway?

Fighting for medals was a reason of life

I needed no antennae for such a goal

Obstacles to being the pinnacle disappear

With the snap of my gloved fingers

Reaching 9999 levels of power helped

Making sure I won no matter what

I am acclaimed, more than just a carbon copy

You’d be selling me short that way

So all these originals are complaining of my existence, now?

Too bad

Life’s not fair, isn’t it?

Is it really that insidious when you have thousands of adoring fans?

This is the age where clones achieve coronation