I thought I would try something new and different when it came to my videography skills. After watching some examples of visual poems and “slow cinema” (Abbas Kiarostami being a recent re-discovery), I thought I would try to make an abstract visual piece with all this snow that’s hit multiple parts of the Midwest. There were already a couple of blizzards and I used footage from this month and January while mixing it up with different transitions and effects. It certainly doesn’t hurt to expand my horizons with my media production skills.
It’s been a while since I did a personal rant, but I’ve bottled up a lot of emotions recently.
As if this past year wasn’t stressful enough for everyone, I have just had enough of internalizing everything. One recurring thought I’ve had was thinking that I’m somehow always wrong and that so many bad things have happened to me. Have there been bad things that happened in my life? Yes. However, sometimes I feel like I’m the only person it ever happens to which adds to bouts of solipsism from time to time. Look, I don’t label myself as some perfect person or some beacon of morality. I’d be a filthy liar if I said that. I have low self-esteem, can be socially awkward at times, passive, can struggle with hidden meaning in people’s words, been bullied to the point of silence, thinking only bad things happen to me, and I don’t know how to be quick-witted. Whenever I had to tell on someone when I was younger, most of the time, no one would do anything about it. If I did something wrong or tried to defend myself (I’m not talking about getting physical), then I was somehow in the wrong.
It’s been rough with bottling up depressing thoughts, anger, and other negative emotions even if I’m smiling on the outside. Am I the only person this happens to? I certainly have enough self-control to not do something heinous with these emotions, so that’s a plus. What does anger me is when so many people get away with so many things. That doesn’t surprise some of you who’ve followed this blog for a while. I’ve dealt with therapists who’ve insulted me in the past which certainly burned. This feeling of being disrespected and people getting away with it even if I speak up was like being psychologically violated. It really didn’t help when I discovered long after the fact how I was being devalued in subtle ways (dog whistles, low-key insults, etc.). I would even do things out of spite to make people leave me alone like “hating” things I admitted to liking or trying to use people’s insults against them in obscure ways. Yeah, it didn’t work. That’s probably no wonder why I’ve been tempted to shame some bloggers even for something as simple as a thought on a movie, for example. I didn’t see anyone else suffer in that way, so I thought they had healthy stable lives. There have been far worse things that have happened to me in real life, but I saw so many things as negative. Glass half empty? That describes how I saw the world even during my childhood. It just sucks having to harbor so many of these bad flashbacks in my brain even when I try to forget or ignore them.
Blogging and having creative endeavors have been cathartic whether it’s poetry, writing reviews, making videos, or other things. Shame how I struggle with thinking I’m a worthless person from time to time, but at least it kept me busy when I wasn’t at work or studying for example.
Personally, it’s a miracle that anyone would be interested in what I type about or present. I wish I didn’t have to pretend everything is fine online and especially offline. Sorry for rambling. I had to get these things off my chest.
So, I did a poem based on candombe music after being exposed to the documentary Tango Negro the other day, so I naturally decided to check out the music. There were some great examples that I discovered so far.
The first example is from Uruguayan percussionist Jhonny Neves. He has done solo works as well as collaborating with other musicians like the Candombe Trio or having various sidemen drummers with him in different jam sessions. I’ve had some of his videos as background music for studying or getting some work done on the computer.
Anyone who knows about my knowledge in anime should know why the 2nd example got my attention. You’re welcome, anibloggers! They’re a candombe collective that has been known to feature several drummers at once. Yes, there is a band that may or may not be named after a certain white lion that Disney ripped off a ton of stuff from. Hahahaha! But for real, they make great music.
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I looked at some of my stats this morning and saw that I made 500 posts on this blog. Wow, I didn’t realize I had that much content on year since I started this thing in late 2016! Hooray, me…I guess.
There were things I’ve been thinking about when it comes to my content. I’ve been doing my best to put more of my original works like poetry on here. It would also be good to explore how the Ospreyshire project can expand especially in this Spotify-heavy world. I do have some ideas, but it’s going to take some time and effort. Of course, recent events happening has really got me angry with the blatant double standards going on, and I’m just going to leave it there. I want to make sure I’m more consistent in the content I have for this blog. There will be times when I will promote other artists and bloggers, but I want to fine-tune my artistic crafts on here.