Frequencies had tiers
This was new to me
Falsehoods plagued me even when I didn’t see it
Like a subtle poison, I couldn’t taste the venom until it was too late
I bonded with my abusers
And didn’t know it happened
Because not all mistreatment was physical
I thought you only needed chains to remain captive
What a gigantic way to stand corrected
I wanted to go beyond these invisible barriers
As I overlooked catacombs full of visions
Something happened to me and I didn’t know it all this time
Shame on me for believing that good conquers evil all the time
While I have a tall stature, I was still far too small
To make real change
As I was called a liar despite telling the truth
I was called an instigator despite being on the defense
Everything was my fault whether I did anything or not
I was ever the scapegoat for others while others were too childish to accept their wrongdoing
Was it a miracle that I didn’t hate humanity as a whole even with all the things I’ve learned and experienced?
I guess some hope lies within
The ascension of frequencies appeared once more
Waves on waves show up to the cumulonimbus shores before crashing down to terra firma
Wash away my impurities…
Yet I’m quite concerned about
There are times where I wish I took a psychology course
To realize how much my psyche has been abused in ways I never knew how or why from subtle forms
The hobbies I like(d) became objects of ridicule
Social awkwardness manifested in itself
My heritage also made me something to hate regardless of my character
Apologies were spoken ad nauseum for who I was
As if my mind wasn’t flawed enough
So many things forced me to be an autodidact
“Why even bother?” I would say or think
“I know I’m going to lose anyway.”
Stop it, brain.
“It’s always the biggest jerks who get what they want. You need to be cruel to be on top even though you’ll never get away with it.”
That didn’t come from my mind this time. It was bad advice. Get thee behind me…
“Try reprogramming yourself. They think you’re a stupid robot anyway. You’re just a useless piece of –“
The violation of my self-esteem affected me way more than I thought. Shame how any affirmative thing I say about myself can be construed as an ego.
All I do was lose, lose, lose, no matter what as I try to squeak out a semblance of a victory.
All it took was a revealed cover-up and one Tartaros of a sellout
The Bluegrass State never saw such a miscarriage
The ire magnified across the country
Was $12 million really enough for them in dealing with Breonna Taylor’s death?
Tell me if Justine Damond’s family got the same treatment
The insanity in this country wouldn’t stop there
There wasn’t a debate, but a yelling match between the two
Even pro wrestling promos had more sense and civility than that gaffe
Dog whistles and lack of policy questions were all it was about
Next thing, I know one was tested positive
But I thought it would just go away or possibly a hoax, right? (sarcasm)
These events indirectly added to the frustration
All I could see was a hopeless future
The lack of responsibility and equality was enough to darken my soul
My mind could only ruminate and catastrophize
I really am pathetic, aren’t I?
No matter how productive I am, I only saw bleak things
My life has certainly been productive for better or worse
Unfortunately, life can get incredibly busy for me at two different salt mines
While this isn’t running away, my house needs to be in order
Don’t expect this avant-garde osprey to fly away
Just expect one day instead of three
I will still put effort in whatever I do
My blog means a lot and I have things planned here as well as my other pages
Just be assured that when there will be posts, they will (hopefully) be worth your time
I don’t know what is considered heroic in society anymore.
While I wouldn’t call myself the greatest moral guardian since I’ve fallen short, I would never get away with the things (let alone act on them) so many others would.
The innocent get slaughtered while the guilty are extolled.
The rules are goalposts moved whenever convenient.
They think that some petty reforms or cashing out millions would be enough.
What an insulting consolation prize.
I guess things are only evil when it’s not their “side” doing it much like the so-called protagonists having carte-blanche to do villainous things.
I could make a laundry list of fake fictional heroes gunning unarmed women, abusing children, committing genocide by starvation, or even eating other characters, but we’d be here all day.
Regardless of one’s opinions about scripture, Isaiah said it best.
“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil.”
There is truth as these double standards are shown.
Shame how everyone thinks they’re the protagonist in their own story.
Sometimes the greatest battles don’t happen with swords, fists, or other weapons
It happens in the mind
Invading thoughts occur without warning
Malevolent clocks running backwards and looped footage
There was no control to rewind everything to one’s wants
20/20 hindsight makes the slights into mountains
There needed to be no debilitation as it’s happened before
It had to start with resolve and telling the invaders to be expelled
All those times were uphill battles
As my head hits the pillow, I hear the symphony of raindrops
Landing on the roof
After several days without the skies pouring down, it was a welcome change of tune
I imagined each drop being an agent in purifying me despite being inside
Washing away the negativity as well as clearing my mind of such was something I wished would happen
There was something so calming hearing the rain landing on the ground
I wondered if my efforts would amount for something bright
Not to be a millionaire or famous, but just something where I can prosper
This year, I certainly had my concerns and fears with the obvious
I’d be lying if I said I had none of those things
Everyone certainly is stressed at different levels, and I don’t blame them
Work, some classes, and my own independent studies gave me things to do
Okay, I do enjoy international films, but binge watching wasn’t a top goal
Sometimes I wonder if I’d be doing things on a bigger stage with my creative works
Not world tours or TV interviews, obviously
But something constructive as well as being able to help others
I don’t know what the future looks like, but I want to do what I can to make sure it’s good
I don’t have the words
All the time to fully say