I’m still recovering from some depression and some mental health issues, but it was good seeing that the Ospreyshire blog is now half a decade old now. I can’t believe I’ve made it this far even if I diverged from the original intent of this blog. Thank you to everyone who supports me. It’s been rough, but I’m glad I was able to persevere at this point. I do need to improve with the Ospreyshire project and not deal with so many setbacks.
I have to vent, but I’ll do it in a brief fashion.
1. I feel like I’ve been realizing how much more I’ve been gaslighted in my past and not doing my best to show I’m right in certain arguments.
2. I think I have nothing but failures.
3. My efforts seem to be worthless yet people who don’t even try are more successful than me.
4. People not taking responsibility for their words or actions when they’re in the wrong. It gets even worse when they shift the blame on others or me for their wrongdoings or reactions.
5. Others ignoring atrocities and other horrific acts if it doesn’t fit their realities.
6. People pretending to be the victim.
7. Others having a hissy fit towards me or about me even though I’m not insulting them, attacking them, harassing them, or talking about them. That’s not my style since I’ve never been good at insulting others. It says a lot more about them than it does with me when they react that way and I wish I learned about that part of psychology a lot earlier in my life.
8. Others gossiping and slandering me behind my back whether literally or figuratively.
9. People saying that I’m whining or overreacting when I talk about various subjects whether milquetoast or very severe. Interestingly enough, those same people can’t say I’m lying. Also, it reveals a lot about their character when they overreact and unintentionally proving me right about a few things depending on the topic.
I wondered if encouraging others and showing support was enough.
While it felt good saying kind words, promoting the works of others, and even purchasing some works of others whenever I had a bit of fun money (books, music, art, etc.), I wondered if my words and actions mattered in the long run. There were some thankful people which is awesome and I appreciate it, but sometimes I wouldn’t get a response after doing something kind to someone. I pondered if I was somehow not good enough to support others and don’t even get me started about my experiences of some very ungrateful people out there. It made me think if my support and help even mattered to others. How should I know? Sometimes I never get the responses if anyone actually cares.
Besides that, I’ve been doing my best not to feel down…again.
I feel like every day I remember horrible memories and how certain things said and done to me were more abusive in hindsight. There were times that I wish I would’ve stuck with different hobbies or skills. Then I will be more appreciated by others and people would be forced to say that I have talents instead of having to prove everything to anyone or everyone. If I had more confidence back then, I would make sure to shut down their insults quickly. Maybe I would’ve counteracted to verbally destroy their self-esteem to defend myself. Life is really stupid like that as I know the past can’t be changed. I could keep creating things, but I know they won’t be up to par no matter how much effort I put in. I can’t lie. I’ve also been jealous of other bloggers on WordPress as they seem to have better lives than I do, have more self-esteem, and somehow always know the right words to say.
I can’t say I’m genuinely happy most of the time, but it did happen. It felt great when people have been encouraged by me in an unexpected way. It was also great being encouraged by some people that I know.
This was all fine and good, but I haven’t been too creative besides my poems on here. Part of me feels like I’m being lazy of sorts given the original concept of this blog. I won’t be posting as often on this blog, but maybe once or twice a week. We’ll see what happens.
Being creative is really hard especially when it’s the Ospreyshire-type of creativity. Mine isn’t better than anyone’s, but it is very different.
I’ve been checking out various videos from Ghanaian travel vlogger Wode Maya from time to time. He made multiple videos when he recently went to South Sudan of all places. It was very fascinating to see the country destroying negative stereotypes as some constant war zone. Wode was pleasantly surprised when he visited that country and how it was nothing like how the mainstream portrays it.
One of his adventures involved talking to people of the Dinka tribe who are a major ethnic group in South Sudan. They are one of the tallest ethnic groups in the world and there are several people in the upper six feet to even SEVEN feet range! The man you see in the thumbnail and later in the video is 7’3″. That just blew my mind because he’s literally 13 inches taller than me! It’s no wonder you have several basketball players coming out of that country and even joining different NBA teams. It was funny seeing the short Wode Maya being absolutely dwarfed by people who are head and shoulders taller than him.
I know it isn’t my usual stuff on the blog, but I wanted to do something different to calm down and to have some fun educational things going on. My geography nerd-dom is showing again and that’s one interest I’ve never been ashamed of liking. 🙂
Also, happy 10th anniversary this year, South Sudan!
Sometimes I wonder if it is worth creating things. I wish I never had thoughts of some negative futures. If only I could rewrite my own past where I was never mistreated whether overtly or covertly, but that will never happen.
I really need to decompress with the stress in my life as well as finding out about atrocities not talked about in the history books that I was unaware about. This doesn’t mean I’m apathetic. I can only take so much morbidity at a time. Come on, people. I’m a human being, you know. I thought I would switch this up with some interesting videos involving a theme song, a Burundian band, and an interview.
Those of you who follow one of my other blogs where I cover film, documentary, and anime reviews, I recently covered the Canadian/Japanese/Argentinean series Cybersix on there. I remember watching that show on Fox Kids when I was in elementary school (wow, does that give away my age or what?). The theme song was something I remembered back then and I re-discovered this show on RetroCrush of all places! I was gobsmacked that this obscure cartoon can be streamed for free legally online and that they would play all 13 episodes there. The theme song was handled by Canadian jazz/pop singer Coral Egan and this song really gets stuck in your head. I think they should give Cybersix a remake with a longer storyline. It’s also a breath of fresh air seeing a superheroine who ISN’T Marvel or DC for a change.
I know gospel isn’t everyone’s thing. I respect that. Recently, I got into Bukuru Celestin who is a Burundian musician who’s currently based in America. I first heard of him due to his collab EP with jazz band Snarky Puppy. Apparently, he also has a gospel band side project called Buja Praise. They incorporate songs in English, Kirundi, and Swahili with some African rhythms mixed with Western instrumentation. They have a great sound and certainly don’t sound like the typical K-Love fair. Of course, the title of this song got my attention for obvious reasons (don’t lie, you were thinking the same thing), but it is a completely different song. I also got to message them the other day. Yes, I brought up THAT controversy and they think a certain mouse trademarking that phrase is so stupid and they’re going to keep on singing this song. Good on you, Buja Praise! Way to do your best to preserve the Swahili-phone cultures even if that language isn’t the main one in Burundi (Kirundi is the #1 language there). I wonder how fans of that particular movie franchise would feel knowing this song exists…
I usually don’t put podcast interviews on here, but this snippet was very fascinating. David Francisco is a Portuguese wrestler currently living in England and he interviews Alexander Roth who is a Black British wrestler. They discuss the Everything Patterned show at Wrestling Resurgence. Some of you may remember me talking about this show a couple of years ago which was a Black History Month event in England (context: October is BHM in the UK and not February like in America). Alexander Roth and David Francisco talk about the impact of this indie BritWres show and what it meant for positive representation in the wrestling scene. It was very insightful with Roth talking about being in that show in tag team action and how it inspired others in ways he would’ve never expected. I did like his experience in this event and how he was floored with the social media response as well as getting a message from America of all places. His comment about humans being the only creatures who “beef over” skin color unlike snakes, lions, leopards, etc. with his analogy. This form of entertainment and athleticism isn’t for everyone obviously, but give this a listen. Also, Everything Patterned was SO much better than anything I’ve seen in WWE or AEW. Just saying.