Identity Issues (An Ospreyshire Lament)

Who is Ospreyshire, really?

Is he a poet, musician, or some random blogger who talks about random news stories or movies?

I’m sure many of you thought the same thing at least once. It doesn’t take an ESPer to figure that out.

I do apologize for confusing you and it wasn’t my intent. I just want to be me. How crazy is it that I have so many interests and care about different things.

Does this make me feel like some holier-than-thou person? Does this make me shallow?

I feel like a good portion doesn’t know me or know what Ospreyshire’s about.

No wonder I’ve been trying to streamline everything to have a concrete identity while still not trying to fit in someone else’s box to define me as this or that.

Who is Ospreyshire, really?

Someone who’s trying to find their identity through my words, opinions, and my art. At least that’s what I hope is shining through.

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New(ish) Ospreyshire Single: They Dreamed of Devastation and Deceit (Circle of Lies)!

Some of you might remember me making this poem roughly a month ago. However, I decided to record that poem with my cajon and my trademark acousmatics. Unlike other Ospreyshire tracks, I don’t use that many effects with my sound manipulation. Expect there to be audio fridge horror with some subtle sounds especially in the context of the lyrics. When I wrote that poem, I was airing my grievances with how much I despise the misrepresentation of Africa let alone the diaspora.

I know some people who weren’t familiar with this poem are going to ask me an obvious question, and I’ll answer it right now. No, the recording isn’t just about making a potshot against that expensive piece of plagiarism even though I do make said quip in one line. The issue is bigger than that. Just sayin.

The song is free or your own price on Bandcamp!

I Wished Loving Myself Was Easy

The title said it all

Years of brainwashing and not knowing it
Caused me to falter in ways I never realized
All because of factors I couldn’t control

Skin pigmentation
Mental state
My personal hobbies

I was a target for all to destroy
No matter how hard I tried
I was destined to fail
If time machines existed, I’d change so many things to be better in my past
It would be the only way to get respect and no one would hurt me anymore

Being Constructive

I was not going to die useless
Even when I’m not at my day job(s)
I’m always creating something
The term “renaissance man” has been thrown at me before
I don’t mind it that much
I know how to work in multiple media

What does concern me is how much people (don’t) care about my creations
The kind words can only go so far
Creativity is my lifeblood
Yet no one care when I spill it into my own projects

Fans, Geeks, Nerds, and Whomever…How can you stay hopeful about what you like?

Uh oh. It has happened again. I’m dealing with a wave of cynicism and frustration yet again.

After dealing with a rough week, some of the aftereffects have been kicking in although not for the same reasons as to how I became frustrated over a week ago.

I know a lot of my followers would self-identify as being nerds, fans, or somewhere in between. Not going to lie, it’s mainly because of my other blogs instead of this one, but I appreciate you checking out the Ospreyshire page from time to time despite a certain other blog being currently on hiatus. There are times where I’m a bit jealous of you, so I have to ask you this simple question.

How can you stay hopeful about what you like?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been getting more jaded than usual when it comes to being a fan of certain things. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it liking some things such as obscure movies, anime, music (listening and making it), or even playing video games which I rarely even do. I haven’t touched a video game in ages and I ended up playing Genesis stuff for a brief nostalgia kick. Even then, I felt empty. Was I really doing ANYTHING constructive by being into these things? Maybe I really was more stupid than I thought ever since my childhood. I just can’t understand how so many of you can be confident in what you all like.

For me, I’ve been bullied for what I liked. There have been times where I “hated” things out of spite to tick off some people who were giving me a hard time. Sure, I was derogated for worse things in my life, but that always annoyed me. I didn’t realize some of those same people were insecure for reasons I don’t know, but that’s irrelevant. Part of me wants to just stop liking things that gave me happiness. I wouldn’t call it joy since most of those hobbies and interests didn’t go that far or had that kind of edification to them to be honest with you. I create more than I consume especially when it comes to fiction or writing lyrics.

This may sound irrational, but I had thoughts on how I can or should deal with this matter. I’ve seriously wondered if I should bash people for what they like or shame them for being into certain kinds of fandoms. What if I told people that what they do isn’t constructive? What if I asked them if someone like me was into the same interests, would I get insulted or looked down upon? Should I tell them that they should be interested in more constructive or more important things? I’m sick of being moralized upon, so there’s something inside that wants me to do the same thing as revenge for what happened to me. There were so many missed opportunities for me to demoralize those who insulted me for having certain (nerdier) interests. Call it internalized anger. Call it me righting a wrong. Call it me trying to better myself, but I can’t hold onto this frustration for this long.

I feel that I need to be constructive. It’s not just working lots of hours for me. I need to create more than I consume. Whether it’s music, poetry, fiction, or my other interests, I feel the need to be constructive and I have to cut off distractions in my life.

I really am jealous of all you fans. I wish I could be as blissful and carefree as you. You all probably have better lives than me and have a healthy balance in life. I wish I wasn’t so dismal no matter how hard I attempt to break these negative feelings.

I’m really neat? I got the Real Neat Blog Award!

It’s been a delay, but I wanted to get this out there on a day when I wasn’t so busy. I was nominated for the Real Neat Blog Award by Dear Kitty. Thank you very much! I really appreciate this!

Here are the rules for this award:

  • Put the award logo on your blog.
  • Answer the 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
  • Thank the person who nominated you and add a link to their blog.
  • Nominate any number of people linking to their blogs and let them know you nominated them by commenting on their blogs.
    -Come up with 7 questions for the people you nominated.

 

1. Who is your favourite visual artist?

That’s a tough one. I’m kind of cheating on this one, but I would say Yoshitoshi ABe. I know my aniblogger friends know him for being the creator of Haibane Renmei, Serial Experiments Lain, and Texhnolyze. His art and illustrating style always intrigued me with his experimental and avant-garde takes on anime designs.

2. Which is your favourite bird species?

I guess I just have to say an osprey because it’s part of my stage name. Okay, besides that, I would say budgies are cool, too.

3. Which is your favourite mammal species?

Good question. I would say gazelles or kudu would be in that list.

4. What is your favourite insect?

Perhaps the viceroy butterfly. I really had to think about it.

5. What is your favourite plant?

For some reason, sunflowers seem to calm me down. Peach trees would be a close second.

6. Where do most visits to your blog come from?

USA

7. If you would be invited to make a space journey, then to which solar system planet would you like to go?

Saturn would be really cool. Maybe this space crew and I would skate on the rings if that were possible. 😛

Now here are my 7 questions to my nominees.

1. Who is your favorite poet?

2. If you could make a musical movie, which artist or band’s music would you use and what would the plot look like?

3. Which country would you want to visit that you’ve never been to before?

4. Which book would you like to see adapted as a movie or TV show? This can be a novel, novella, novelette, graphic novel, manga, or any form of literature.

5. What is your favorite instrument to hear in music?

6. If you had the power to give an unknown or under-appreciated musician the ability to have one of their songs to be a #1 hit, what musician/singer/band would it be and what song would it be from them to temporally get rid of the typical mainstream Top 40 doldrums?

7. What is the worst case of protagonist centered morality you’ve seen in a movie, story, TV show, etc.? For those not familiar with the term, let me put it to you this way. What is something you’ve seen a heroic character do that was bad and would never get away with it if they were a villain?

My nominees are as follows:

1. Megan from A Geeky Gal
2. Dr. Y
3. A Fiery Spirit
4. KG Bethlehem
5. Irina
6. The Things I’ve Seen
7. Ya Boy Jack
8. Khaya Ronkainen
9. Rodrovich
10. Xena

4 New Revezia Stories Are Out NOW!

Today is the day! I got more Revezia stories for the world to read. Get them for 99 cents-$1.99 per book!

C. M. B. Bell's Writing Universe

TODAY IS THE DAY!

Feel free to get these new books in the Revezia universe!

Infrasound Larceny (Cell Phone Novel for 99 cents): https://books2read.com/b/mqG6ge

Electrum Volume 1 (Novelette for $1.99): https://books2read.com/b/4jeXAv

Electrum Volume 2 (Novelette for $1.99): https://books2read.com/b/4DOpRd

Electrum Volume 3 (Novelette for $1.99): https://books2read.com/b/bQ6YVd

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4 New Revezia Books Are Released TOMORROW!

ONE MORE DAY! Get them right now! Feel free to get these new books in the Revezia universe! Infrasound Larceny (Cell Phone Novel for 99 cents): https://books2read.com/b/mqG6ge Electrum Volume 1 (Novelette for $1.99): https://books2read.com/b/4jeXAv Electrum Volume 2 (Novelette for $1.99): https://books2read.com/b/4DOpRd Electrum Volume 3 (Novelette for $1.99): https://books2read.com/b/bQ6YVd

via 4 New Revezia Books Are Released TOMORROW! — C. M. B. Bell’s Writing Universe

Forgiving Myself is Hard

I’m the patron saint and the heir of perfectionism
One mistake and I collapse
Sorrow drowns me with more gallons than an ocean
I can’t lie about my anxiety
Everything needed to stand on a solid rock
While I mistaken that for well-packed sand

I wish I was perfect
No one would criticize me
I wouldn’t need to forgive myself even when others forgive me
Because that would be unnecessary

I hate that I make mistakes

Failure Lingers

Cue that one Terminal song today
That reminder of my high school years reappeared
Disappointment and internalized frustration
Beat me to the punch once again
Despite consoling conversations, it’s been arduous letting go
At least I own up to my shortcomings
Maturity can only go so far
I long for a second chance and to prove my critics wrong
To laugh in their face and to tell them four biting words
“I told you so”
or
“I really did improve”