Some of the biggest crybabies
Masquerade as tough guys
It must be so sad and morose
Having everything handed to them
And never having to prove their humanity
Coddling diminished responsibility
Kid’s gloves are handed by the crate
Downplaying everything as just a game or not as bad
“Oppression” is a lie from their mouths
While the plastic branches shield these disruptions
For shame…for shame…
Sometimes I don’t even know what Ospreyshire’s Realm is about
Perhaps I have so much to say
Yet I’m all over the place
Maybe I should only stick to my creative works
However, that would be irresponsible
Was I first known as an avant-garde spoken word poet?
Someone who makes written/typed poems?
Some random guy who likes international movies, documentaries, and anime despite mainly talking about it somewhere else most of the time?
Someone who has opinions about real life things?
Perhaps I don’t know what I’m trying to be anymore.
Was everything so cluttered and this realm reflected that?
I wonder why anyone even cares what Ospreyshire is about
I’m a mere drop in a digital ocean
Was I molding myself to something else or was I being molded by my own insecurities?
I saw the numbers and my creativity on here severely lacked
Funny how more cared about my caustic rant about literal copycat movies mattered more than my own originality (assuming if they weren’t angry or shuddering reading those thoughts)
Ospreyshire needs to rethink things
After seeing a pit full of painted Ls
Intent was a chameleon
As the original endeavor was ignored
Maybe more ears popped up
When I threw pairs of pennies
Whenever situations got very serious
What is Ospreyshire’s realm?
What is Ospreyshire (about) ?
Why is Ospreyshire about so many things?
Consistency was too busy being in the corner
At the cost of a confused identity
Happy New Year, everyone!
How was your first day of 2021? I didn’t bother staying awake until midnight or past that since I had to work early this morning. It’s not necessarily my thing. Wow, this makes me sound old.
2021 is still up in the air with the calendar and all. I don’t have any clear resolutions yet. I would like to do some creative things related to Ospreyshire (the spoken word project) as well as my other creative endeavors. Videography was very fun last year, so that could be something I could try. Weirdly enough, most of my specific goals involve watching and reviewing films on my other blog. I’ve been watching some interesting things including from countries where I didn’t know had their own cinema scenes. Posting poetry is something I want to do more often on this blog.
While I do have some hopes, I have to be honest with you that I have lingering depression and there was a time earlier today where I felt like I was hopeless while thinking this year is going to be miserable, but I’m not sure. Positivity can be foreign at times for me and this has been a thing even before 2020 happened.
I hope you have a blessed new year nonetheless.
This has been such a tumultuous year, but I’m not the first or last to say so.
We know about the things that happened this year with COVID-19, the racial tensions, the political circus in America, the tanking economy, so on and so forth.
There were some ambivalent things that happened.
Let me get some of the bad stuff out there first:
-I struggled with moments of depression, internalized anger, and even paranoia.
-I felt like things were hopeless after lockdown happened.
-I had to rethink so many plans due to COVID. So many Zoom meetings and phone calls happened to talk to family, friends, and even co-workers.
Now for some good things:
-I recorded my first split record.
-Getting back into doing videos of different kinds was amazing.
-I did a lot of reading and doing my best to learn some new skills.
There were so many takeaways to learn in this bizarre, yet tense times. COVID and everything else isn’t going to magically disappear once 2021 rolls around. I’m sure we can all agree with that. I do hope things can improve in some way, shape, or form, but I know this won’t be instantaneous.
There was one thing that I’ve been thinking about when it came to Ospreyshire the blogger as well as Ospreyshire the spoken word artist. Yes, I’m a man of multiple disciplines with poetry, spoken word, videography, film reviews, fiction, and music. As far as the Ospreyshire Realm is concerned (as in the blog you’re looking at right now), I feel as though there’s an identity crisis. My other blogs where I review films, documentaries, and anime as well as my fiction blog at least have clearly defined purposes. There are times where I ask myself “What is Ospreyshire in terms of this blog?”. Look, I attract bloggers of all races, nations, interests, hobbies, and content which is really cool. While blogging has allowed me to be outspoken when I’ve internalized so many things for most of my life (saying nothing about how I’m naturally introverted who pretends to have extrovert tendencies in my offline life, but that’s another story), I feel as though things are inconsistent from a content standpoint. I will still post poetry, audio projects when I do recording, or the occasional cross-promotion to friends or creators I like which is a given. The thing is I really have to rethink about how I do new projects especially with the growing irrelevance in music consumption (not that I expected to go platinum or even gold) as well as making a more clearly defined identity on this blog. Apologies for sounding like I’m thinking about what others may or may not be thinking about me since I used to have a really bad habit of caring too much of what others think, but I want to make sure people who read this blog have some more consistency in content. This doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon my art or some of my opinion pieces because I have a few in mind that have to be said like some sequels to some of my personal posts in the past for example. Stay tuned on that.
Anyways, I hope you all had a blessed holiday season and that you have a Happy New Year!
Here’s to 2021! [clinks with my glass of sparkling grape juice]
So much separation happened
My elder extended family members were forbidden for us to see them at their living facilities
Or for them to leave their current homes
Everything was at a phone call’s length
Or a computer screen away
The feeling of hugs vanished
While I made do with what I had and got to smile
Who knows if it will repeat next year?
Episode 442: ZAP Records Requiem
Here’s a part II to Monday’s post. While this interview has been around for a few months now, I thought I would still promote it, so you can hear it. Canadian radio station The Antidote interviewed Dave Emmerson from ZAP Records as he talks about music, why he closed down ZAP, and his new plans. It was another great interview and not just because I know both Daves talking to each other. Yes, I’m namedropped briefly, but don’t listen to this interview because of that. It really gives insight into Dave’s ideology in music and creative projects.
This post has been a long time coming and I feel bad about delaying it this long.
Some of you may or many not remember when I debuted Dystopian Futures’s latest music video for “Space Junk”, but I mentioned that ZAP Records closed down. This bummed me out since the founder Dave Emmerson was one of the few people left in the DIY music scene that I still respect as well as him being a great friend. I thought it was amazing with how he managed to get bands and singers from multiple countries involved with his record label. I was exposed to great music that no one else was making and I managed to get involved with the label even before “Ospreyshire” (the spoken word project AND the blogger you see today) was a thing. Not sure if I mentioned this, but I was able to help out with press releases, bios, and I even made music videos for some of the bands. Dave himself has a record in my filmography portfolio since I’ve directed three music videos for him between two of his bands. The first music video I ever made in my life was for his old band The Old-Timers (no pun intended) and it was a major international collaboration since Dave at the time was living in South Africa while I was still here in America, yet we were able to make it work. That really gave me confidence and he encouraged me to do some recording of my own.
While Ospreyshire (the spoken word project) was all me with my poems, acousmatics, and instrumentation, I will say that if there was no ZAP Records, there might not have been an Ospreyshire let alone the current blogs I run. It’s strange how life works, but I do have to credit Dave for being a good friend to be encouraging to me even if he was thousands of miles away in South Africa or when he was back in his home country of Scotland. Who ever thought that some random guy like me and someone like him would meet at a music festival in Central Illinois and were able to collaborate with multiple projects for years now.
It is sad to see ZAP Records go. I’m thankful to have been a contributor in multiple ways to the label. I was so disillusioned with the music scene at large, so this was a last bastion of sorts.
RIP, ZAP Records.
In good news, Dave came up with Visions Press where he’s releasing new music and even zines. Definitely check it out!
Why was I so naive to try and befriend my eventual abusers?
Psychological violations were low-key
To my own brain and esteem
Shame on me, for only seeing their talent or their facades
No class ever taught me about gaslighting
Why was I so stupid thinking I could redeem them?
Saying sorry even for things that weren’t my fault
Became some kind of vicarious intent for these vampires
When I stood up on my own two feet
That’s where they wanted me to change my name to Billie Eilish (if she was relevant during those times, pardon the pun)
I might as well have been the son of Satan himself in their eyes
None of my peers went through what I went through
This arrested developmental was pure stealth in subterfuge
Hugging me while my back became a corporeal sheath to them
Those same parasites never had my consent when they got to my psyche
No AT Field was there to protect the cortex
Avoiding my judgmental glances…
It was a like those blizzard cyclones that plague New England even when those who control them flee to become a Northwesterner (Nor’Wester?)
I never saw agony in their beings. They might as well sing pop punk tunes and name a band after a Blink or Ataris ditty
#FirstWorldProblems is what their laments sound like
Stockholm got the better of my judgment and I never knew why
I’m sick of having to prove my worth, intelligence, and humanity to them, my own friends…
The twelve beats and meters
Were new and recontextualized
It was the pop music from half a millennium ago
Yet no one knows the names of those who made the tunes or dances
Melodies were taken against their will
After they were crammed in the boats
Spanish and Portuguese replaced the original tongues
As the population grew back then
The modern population was unaware
Despite excavations and receipts brought up to the surface
Were native, but not in the ways one expected