Reki

I was looked up to by so many in the community
The de facto leader of sorts for them
I was there to show them the way and to learn about the town
After so many hours of being in front of others
I had to retreat to my studio

With canvases, brushes, and paint
I had to express myself when I wasn’t around the rest
While I was seen as the big sibling around
I felt so insecure
Like I was constantly being stepped on
Or having a train racing through my direction

Was I truly ready for flight no matter how small my charcoal feathered wings were?
I hated to admit this, but I needed to be rescued

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Trying to Erase My Ignorance

I wish I knew then what I knew now
Altering the past would’ve been a beautiful thing if it was feasible
I was never this genius that some people have told me
I’m still learning, yet I feel that I still don’t know enough
If I could have erased my ignorance
I could’ve had a better life
Bullies would be discredited
And none would dare challenge me again
I want to know and show I’m right
Where no one could argue against what I know

I’ve been recording lately.

Besides that single I posted earlier this month, did any of you know that Ospreyshire was my avant-garde/spoken word project to begin with since 2016?

Be honest because I know not everyone is aware of that since my followers know me for my other disciplines like my movie reviews and my fiction (in that order).

Well, I have to let you all remember that I’m recording some new tunes. I won’t give away too much, but I have been recording vocals and acousmatics for something I’m going to release very soon. You’ll see more details about it in the coming weeks. The recording for that project is done, so all I need to do is make album art for it. After that, I’ve also been writing a separate album that has a unified concept with multiple narratives. I hope that one becomes very…original.

Anyways, I thought I would give you some news on that front even though some of you forgot or didn’t know that about me to begin with.

A Short Rant Poem About Crowned Copycats

No, I have no interest in going to the theater
When alleged creators won’t stand by their thievery
That’s not even getting into coded stereotypes
No thank you, I’m just fine staying away
I know you were trying to troll me
And trying to relive your childhood
How shallow do you have to be by defining your childhood
By a multi-million dollar funded lie?


Okay, the poem’s done, but I had to get this off my chest.

So many people in real life are proving me right. Just saying. SMH.

Fans, Geeks, Nerds, and Whomever…How can you stay hopeful about what you like?

Uh oh. It has happened again. I’m dealing with a wave of cynicism and frustration yet again.

After dealing with a rough week, some of the aftereffects have been kicking in although not for the same reasons as to how I became frustrated over a week ago.

I know a lot of my followers would self-identify as being nerds, fans, or somewhere in between. Not going to lie, it’s mainly because of my other blogs instead of this one, but I appreciate you checking out the Ospreyshire page from time to time despite a certain other blog being currently on hiatus. There are times where I’m a bit jealous of you, so I have to ask you this simple question.

How can you stay hopeful about what you like?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been getting more jaded than usual when it comes to being a fan of certain things. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it liking some things such as obscure movies, anime, music (listening and making it), or even playing video games which I rarely even do. I haven’t touched a video game in ages and I ended up playing Genesis stuff for a brief nostalgia kick. Even then, I felt empty. Was I really doing ANYTHING constructive by being into these things? Maybe I really was more stupid than I thought ever since my childhood. I just can’t understand how so many of you can be confident in what you all like.

For me, I’ve been bullied for what I liked. There have been times where I “hated” things out of spite to tick off some people who were giving me a hard time. Sure, I was derogated for worse things in my life, but that always annoyed me. I didn’t realize some of those same people were insecure for reasons I don’t know, but that’s irrelevant. Part of me wants to just stop liking things that gave me happiness. I wouldn’t call it joy since most of those hobbies and interests didn’t go that far or had that kind of edification to them to be honest with you. I create more than I consume especially when it comes to fiction or writing lyrics.

This may sound irrational, but I had thoughts on how I can or should deal with this matter. I’ve seriously wondered if I should bash people for what they like or shame them for being into certain kinds of fandoms. What if I told people that what they do isn’t constructive? What if I asked them if someone like me was into the same interests, would I get insulted or looked down upon? Should I tell them that they should be interested in more constructive or more important things? I’m sick of being moralized upon, so there’s something inside that wants me to do the same thing as revenge for what happened to me. There were so many missed opportunities for me to demoralize those who insulted me for having certain (nerdier) interests. Call it internalized anger. Call it me righting a wrong. Call it me trying to better myself, but I can’t hold onto this frustration for this long.

I feel that I need to be constructive. It’s not just working lots of hours for me. I need to create more than I consume. Whether it’s music, poetry, fiction, or my other interests, I feel the need to be constructive and I have to cut off distractions in my life.

I really am jealous of all you fans. I wish I could be as blissful and carefree as you. You all probably have better lives than me and have a healthy balance in life. I wish I wasn’t so dismal no matter how hard I attempt to break these negative feelings.

Creativity is tough and other ailments

Been a while since I did an opinion piece that wasn’t reliant on news stories. Sure, I talked about fandom hypocrisy or how wanting originality makes me a bad guy to some people’s eyes, but I will talk about something else.

As Ospreyshire, I haven’t been active in poetry or recording my spoken word projects as much as I would like. While I will record something which I can’t talk about what, it is rough for me as I’m so uninspired to come up with another EP or possibly a full-length album. I thought I would’ve done so much more, but work, other creative projects, and other life events took more priority in my life.

I’m not going to say it’s all bad creatively since I’ve been on a literary grind and I’m stoked to try Camp NaNoWriMo which I haven’t done in 2 years. I just released 6 books which I feel happy about.

Now let’s get to the bad news.

I’ve become so disillusioned with so many things. I won’t go into the more personal details of my life, but there are many things that cause me so much frustration. Some of the news stories I’ve talked about recently have angered me to know end. While I’m glad people are being exposed and some individuals are speaking out against it, I wonder if this could cause a domino effect for justice to reign. A different aspect involves people’s general apathy to the world around them. I don’t want to sound like an SJW, but I feel like so many people don’t care or secretly agree with the bad things happening around them just so they can stay secure. It’s also caused me to enjoy things less such as most movies and anime. No offense to my fellow bloggers who cover those topics since this isn’t about you, but it is hard for me to ignore tragedies or researching things I wasn’t taught back when I was in school. Look, I’m not a moral guardian or some perfect person. Let me get that straight. Maybe it’s a mix of getting older, more jaded, and becoming more aware of the world around me that’s causing me to fall away from certain things.

We’ll see what the future holds…

Fandom Hypocrisy (A Rant)

This has been on my mind for a while, and I need to get this off my chest. I can’t stand various fandoms at times. Whether they are gamers, sports fans, otaku, music buffs, movie fans, comic nerds, bookworms, or whatever, they can get on my nerves.

It’s no wonder why I haven’t been getting into some of my own interests outside of non-fiction or my own creative projects and it’s not just because of how crazy busy my work schedule has been for months now.

I know not all fans are like this and I do support some bloggers who touch on some of those topics, so let me make that clear. However, I’m just frustrated and disillusioned by so many people and how shallow they can be. You have all these major issues going on like racism, the economy, politics, police brutality, homelessness, and other social ills going on, yet people complain about just trivial things with what they like/or don’t like in what they watch/play/listen to.

It also bugs me how people have freaking civil wars over movies, TV shows, or albums as if their whole identity is tied into whatever is to their liking, and that needs to stop. On one hand, you have people who think what they like is immaculate and the creators can do no wrong while freaking out that anyone would DARE dislike or mention some flaws. On the flipside, those same people will bash anything and everything from one creator as if they’re always in the wrong. Whenever someone does mention something like an unfortunate implication or having bad messages, some fans freak out and say “They [the creators] didn’t mean it!” as they try to hand-wave something away. It doesn’t change the fact that those actions were still done and/or could easily be interpreted in that fashion.

I do apologize if I get a bit theological here, but I think some fandoms could be intense enough to be a form of idolatry. Regardless whether you believe in a deity or not, it really becomes ironic. Instead of some Baals or Molochs, you could have someone like a theist replacing their god(s) with let’s say…superheroes, video games, or whatever’s on HBO. For those who aren’t sure about any higher powers out there or believe that said higher powers are fictional, then wouldn’t it be ironic to follow something involving fictional characters like most movies or TV shows and be obsessed with them? I’m not bashing anyone’s worldviews, so let me make that clear. I’m just wondering why and how people do these things or why they can excuse they’re own behaviors.

The level of stupidity and pettiness from these rapid and hypocritical fans has been getting on my nerves. You’re entitled to your opinions, but this self-righteousness needs to stop now. I can’t stand the double standards whether it involves anything revolving around “nerdy stuff” or to something as severe as racism or politics. I suggest to re-examine your thoughts and beliefs to what you like or dislike and figure out why you’re so willing to attack or defend depending on your positions.

Seriously, I can name a few examples of some fandom hypocrisy online and in real life. Allow me to call out some of this facepalm-worthy behavior…

Don’t say that something has too many people dying when you like Game of Thrones, Evangelion, or watch a lot of war movies.

Don’t tell me that such-and-such is a rip-off of so-and-so when you like The Lion King, Inception, or even some of Led Zeppelin’s music.

Don’t tell me that something is too biased politically when you like Last Man Standing, Glee, or you get your news from either MSNBC or Fox News depending on where you stand with your partisan beliefs.

Don’t tell me that something is too violent and bloody while you like Attack on Titan, Mortal Kombat, or a majority of Tarantino flicks.

Don’t bark at me when you think something’s too mainstream when you like St. Vincent (the singer), Bon Iver, or Juno.

Don’t tell me something is childish when you watch anything from Disney or Dreamworks. Actually, one could make a case that adult cartoons like South Park, Family Guy, or Bojack Horseman are juvenile in their own rights.

This needs to end. I know this blog was mainly for my music and spoken word project even though I haven’t recorded a lot lately, but I’m still willing to share my opinions about various things going on. People really need to check their priorities when it comes to what they like and how they live. Thanks for reading and dealing with my frustration.

Frustrations in Creativity

It has been a whirlwind of activity.

After working, I relaxed by watching a movie that I will review next month, but I had a realization.

Without going into much detail, things always change. Life can mess up the best laid plans. I had so many things set for several projects over the next few months, but other things happened that I need to address. Some of them have to do with my work and others involve dealing with other life matters that I need to take care of. Don’t worry. It’s nothing troublesome. It’s just busy stuff going on.

I won’t be posting as much content on this blog for the time being, so I can take care of things.

Pardon my dust.

Thank you.