Untitled Academia Rant

So much self-realization after weeks of reflection

An anniversary shows up after getting the gown and cap

I proved I could make it in four year’s time on time

Some of my peers couldn’t even say that

While I wasn’t a valedictorian or salutatorian in that realm

I still took my studies seriously

There were things I learned which I appreciated

But as I grew older, I’ve been realizing what I DIDN’T learn regardless if it was relevant to my degree or not

Socializing was a trial by fire of sorts

I was awkward at times, I do confess

I was too music of a music fan and didn’t talk about my other interests that much.

With that said, I realized how much I was in hell

Self-righteous fake Christians moralizing and wrecking my self-esteem in subtle ways

Some men and women got to be psychological rapists to me while pretending to be my friend

I wish I knew about the insidious and hidden attacks to my mind

One attempt failed when one person said “White power!” to my face my sophomore year

Boy, did I give him and his buddies the riot act by yelling at them that day

Overt, covert…didn’t matter

I didn’t deserve the torture

While I’m thankful for certain professors teaching me and making some legit friendships,

I underestimated the negatives

I should’ve progressed farther after the fact

There were situations out of my control and some were in control, but I should’ve improved in the latter

Hidden pains wreck my psyche with these echoes of the past

I hope to succeed better than all the fake friends and true enemies I knew during those four years

And not be crippled by my regrets

Easier said than done.

Ospreyshire Origins: My Heart is a Crater

I’m a man of several regrets.

Not going to lie to anyone here. I get shamed when I do wrong while also desiring to shame others for their vices. I used to have several interests and hobbies, but I’ve given them up in some way shape or forms. Even I’m surprised whenever I go back to previous hobbies like independent films or anime of all things.

By the way, that “shimmering fire of May” line isn’t a typo. It’s a metaphor for graduation since schools get out in May assuming if there aren’t any snow days. It can mean both high school and college graduations which can be relatable and I’ve graduated both.

-Curtis