I longed for whatever heroes I could find
Who could relate to me and vice versa
Shame how I ignored that desire
As I was programmed to be like those who were placed above me
My forced autodidact tendencies had to fight back
While I become enlightened
I look back in regret
No knowing what needed to know back then
I wish I knew then what I knew now
Altering the past would’ve been a beautiful thing if it was feasible
I was never this genius that some people have told me
I’m still learning, yet I feel that I still don’t know enough
If I could have erased my ignorance
I could’ve had a better life
Bullies would be discredited
And none would dare challenge me again
I want to know and show I’m right
Where no one could argue against what I know
The studio was a safe haven for me
After years of neglecting the stage
I wanted comfort with my acousmatics and vocals
There weren’t going to be any guitars here (and I still don’t use them with this project)
I wanted another project after abandoning the stage
Tremors do show up that prevent me from wanting that goal
Things became confusing for someone as multi-disciplined as me.
I’m a man of several regrets.
Not going to lie to anyone here. I get shamed when I do wrong while also desiring to shame others for their vices. I used to have several interests and hobbies, but I’ve given them up in some way shape or forms. Even I’m surprised whenever I go back to previous hobbies like independent films or anime of all things.
By the way, that “shimmering fire of May” line isn’t a typo. It’s a metaphor for graduation since schools get out in May assuming if there aren’t any snow days. It can mean both high school and college graduations which can be relatable and I’ve graduated both.