Traditions blurred so many lines in my life
I believed them without question
From so many people older and supposedly smarter than me
While I knew about morality and spirituality
I found out that I was exploited
Hijacked doctrines permeated in my brain
To the point where I thought I wasn’t good enough of a human being
(The fact I have melanin and some emotional issues only added to the paranoia)
Learning about (my) unlocked history opened my eyes
I knew the morality and spirituality was coded in
What I didn’t know was the appropriation and bastardization
Was greater than I could imagine
Doctrines for right living were perverted
Into institutionalized bigotry
Double standards in humanity
And the transformation into low key murder cults
I know everybody has their own beliefs
I do not wish to force my world view onto others
Regardless if they knew my beliefs or outlook or not
This journey of finding myself and my missing heritage
Lead to great discoveries
But also uncomfortable truths
Eza mokano ya Nzankomba…
Here’s something new that I’m going to do for this blog. I’m going to call this type of post Ospreyshire Origins. These posts will be about inspirations for certain songs or general things about the Ospreyshire project. For my first post of this nature, I’m going to talk about the second song from my debut EP called Servile Fear/Theophobia.
It’s really two short poems I made, but their themes clicked so well.
The servile fear portion deals with my fear which can even be borderline paranoid where I feel like no matter what I do, it’s a sin in some way. The times where I did the right thing doesn’t get acknowledged, but whenever I screw up, I feel like I’ve become the devil incarnate with others yelling at me for my shortcomings. I’ve never seen others get the same treatment as I, but I may have sounded solipsistic in saying so which I do apologize.
The Theophobia portion is literally how I’ve viewed God over the years. Theophobia literally means an irrational fear of God. Yes, I’m going to be talking about some religious/spiritual elements which could turn off some readers, but this plays a big role in this track. I’ve heard both sides of Christians viewing God as this loving deity which I try to believe, but I’ve also seen other believers criticizing and judging me for what I do. I’ve wondered which “God” is truly real: the loving one or the judgmental one? This logic has led others to go to different religions or even become atheists in the process. Can’t say I blame them for their decisions if they’ve been burned by Christians or any other practitioners of other religions who’ve bullied them.