This is that bright spot in the EP. I used the concept of mutation as a good thing like evolving into something greater and stronger. The osteopathic part revolves around me harboring so many emotions even down to the bone. Although the ending ends on a high note, I know my battles are far from over. I do feel stronger compared to even last year, but I still have work to do.
The “you” has a dualistic meaning which is intentional. It can be God for anyone into theology, but it can also mean a good friend who’s telling me to snap out of my funk. It’s that universal nature that I wanted to add into it if anyone can relate to this poem. Personally, a few friends have really helped me stay sane and don’t even realize it. I know most people don’t care including some of my friends.
This track starts the more “positive” portion of the EP. Sure, I acknowledge the hatred in this world that I hold onto, but I wanted to use a war metaphor to fight back against these dark thoughts. I used the term incomplete specters because some of them still haunt my mind after thinking that they went away. I’ve asked myself “Am I REALLY over this yet?”. I also have really good long-term memory by remembering random things, but I never forget the bad things people have done to me. I just wanted to be free from this hatred.
This is a Jeremiad of sorts against the Prosperity Gospel. I absolutely despite this logic of wealthiness being godliness (or at least close to it).
After listening to my buddy Dave Emmerson’s projects with The Old-Timers and Their Throats Are Open Tombs, I feel like I had to throw in my take on that subject. This even goes back farther when I heard Derek Webb’s song “Ballad in Plain Red” which is a sarcastic take on that same subject.
The Prosperity Gospel has saddened me with people buying in (metaphorically and literally) into it and ties into the Servile Fear/Theophobia track.
I’m a man of several regrets.
Not going to lie to anyone here. I get shamed when I do wrong while also desiring to shame others for their vices. I used to have several interests and hobbies, but I’ve given them up in some way shape or forms. Even I’m surprised whenever I go back to previous hobbies like independent films or anime of all things.
By the way, that “shimmering fire of May” line isn’t a typo. It’s a metaphor for graduation since schools get out in May assuming if there aren’t any snow days. It can mean both high school and college graduations which can be relatable and I’ve graduated both.
Here’s something new that I’m going to do for this blog. I’m going to call this type of post Ospreyshire Origins. These posts will be about inspirations for certain songs or general things about the Ospreyshire project. For my first post of this nature, I’m going to talk about the second song from my debut EP called Servile Fear/Theophobia.
It’s really two short poems I made, but their themes clicked so well.
The servile fear portion deals with my fear which can even be borderline paranoid where I feel like no matter what I do, it’s a sin in some way. The times where I did the right thing doesn’t get acknowledged, but whenever I screw up, I feel like I’ve become the devil incarnate with others yelling at me for my shortcomings. I’ve never seen others get the same treatment as I, but I may have sounded solipsistic in saying so which I do apologize.
The Theophobia portion is literally how I’ve viewed God over the years. Theophobia literally means an irrational fear of God. Yes, I’m going to be talking about some religious/spiritual elements which could turn off some readers, but this plays a big role in this track. I’ve heard both sides of Christians viewing God as this loving deity which I try to believe, but I’ve also seen other believers criticizing and judging me for what I do. I’ve wondered which “God” is truly real: the loving one or the judgmental one? This logic has led others to go to different religions or even become atheists in the process. Can’t say I blame them for their decisions if they’ve been burned by Christians or any other practitioners of other religions who’ve bullied them.
How do I revitalize a necrotized soul
To control vitality down to each scintilla
As my back becomes a pincushion for
Ending amicable bonds
I want to trust again
But it’s hard to trust when one dons
I want to trust again…
This is the first track to my debut EP. I wrote this as a small freeform poem when I’ve spiraled over the thoughts of friends betraying me or when some other people derogate me in any way. Truth is, I don’t trust a lot of people out there. I want to lash out at everyone, but I’ve bottled it up so much that I’ve become numb sometimes. It’s not a happy poem by any stretch of the imagination, but at least I’m honest about this kind of stuff.