I don’t have a clever title for this post.

There has been so much tragedy and insanity going on recently. There were mass shootings not even a week apart, someone holding up National Guard members at gunpoint when they were transporting vaccines, and how certain judges seem to be cool with domestic abuse when it comes to actresses admitting to doing it to their former husbands mong other things.

Not going to lie, I’ve been still dealing with so many negative emotions. There have been some good things and I’ve been busy with other real life things, but I’m just beyond frustrated with some of these current events on the news while also at the same time realizing how my self-esteem has been messed up for years now. These events that have nothing to do with me and other things I went through make me feel like I’m proven right about so many things about life in all of it’s cruelty and unfairness.

DON’T TELL ME LIFE’S NOT FAIR!

That’s an insult to my intelligence and I don’t want to rant about all the bad things that happened to me or how certain people get away with everything when they shouldn’t.

It doesn’t help that it feeds into my solipsism which I’m surprisingly not called out on as much as I thought. There are times where I believe I’m the only person who suffers from this or that because I don’t see someone else go through what I went through for example. I’ve held back a lot of anger and sadness. Whenever I would talk to someone about someone else doing something bad, then I’m rarely ever believed. I also don’t believe anything unless I see it or hear about it (assuming if someone is telling the truth). Yeah, I’m a real doubting Thomas, right?

They don’t necessarily have to be big egregious stories with me. I just look at certain posts or news articles about different situations and I just say to myself “Thank you for proving me right!” whether something fits the narrative or not. Of course, I never get a chance to rub it in anyone’s face whenever that happens, so it can be frustrating for me since I feel like certain people I know offline treat me like I’m wrong even when I know I’m right. Alas, I’m held to a different standard compared to others.

However, I have to keep focused. It’s not like I have a time machine to erase every bad thing that happened to me or to fix various mistakes. This is still a long healing process and I hope I can see this through even with all the craziness, injustice, and blatant hypocrisy in this world.